Self-improvement MUST always come before marriage. I donâ€™t know how much I should emphasise this point for Kenyan men to understand.
Â Itâ€™s always tiring to get subjected to the same sight of men suffering in frustrating and abusive marriages, because of the notion of â€śtulitoana mbali na huyu mwanamkeâ€ť.
Thatâ€™s the kind of idiotic reasoning that we must strive to kick out of Kenya this year. Men should not marry when they are broke, period.
Forget those people who advice that you should date and marry when you are still at the very bottom of the financial ladder. Thatâ€™s a lie. You should date when you are at your very best. Because that is the only time you can make the best choices as there is more to choose from.
Women are like prey in the wild. There are those who like to hunt for their food like cheetahs, and those who feed on the dying, carcasses and leftovers like vultures. Either way, you are screwed when it comes to choosing your life partner. So you’d rather get screwed with the better option.
Think about it.Â While life is starting out for a man, say in a bedsitter or a one-roomed structure in the slums, their ambitions tend to be very low. Itâ€™s common knowledge that while living in these confined spaces, you tend to have a minimalist kind of thinking.
You think in small quantities. You buy small items to fit the small spaces and invest in poor quality objects because you feel you might get robbed any second of the day. Now, that same line of thinking would eventually apply to your dating circles.
You get scared of pursuing mature, sophisticated and educated ladies coz you feel they are way above your league, so you start going out with the ones on the bottom shelve. The rejects and scum of society become your go-to people.
These are the kind of women in a chama that service the male gender of the neighbourhood. But then one day she comes carrying a pregnancy which she claims is yours, and you invite her in, after all, what do you have to live for?
She will cheat on you, but you will brave the heartbreak because of self-pity. You think no other woman will look at you, a guy living in the slums and surviving on less than Sh50 a day. So, you worship the ground she stands on.
The woman then goes ahead and holds the man hostage as she feels entitled coz she walked with the man when he only had one pair of shoes. But you know what; she did that because she didnâ€™t have many options either, so she should also be thankful for you. However, since they are selfish they will not dwell on that part.
But then things get better for you at work and you find yourself in top management position one day and everything around you except your wife has evolved.Â She still carries that kind of minimalist reasoning and her brain refuses to adjust to the current setting.
You are even too embarrassed to bring her round for office Christmas parties or getaways because she cannot construct one sensible sentence around your workmates. The only conversation she can manage to hold without stuttering is about last night’s episode of Mshamba.
She has also severed all work relations with female co-workers coz she has since sneaked into your phone and texted them all to keep away from you or else theyâ€™ll experience her wrath. Youâ€™ve taken your kids to the best schools but now their mother canâ€™t even attend parents’ meetings because thatâ€™s not her kind of scene.
She does not take care of the house as she is always outside doing what she is good at, thatâ€™s to peddle gossip from one house to the next. Every evening, your job is to extinguish flames that were started and fanned by your wife throughout the day.
You are even embarrassed to bring your friends around because the seats have more breadcrumbs than a hen house.
Things will never change. In fact, they will only get worse by the day due to the insecurities brought by the mental gap between you two.Â So, I repeat, if you are a young man starting out in life, this is not the time to date. Reinvent and work on yourself.
A time will come when women will literally rip each otherâ€™s throats just to be with you. Donâ€™t settle for scum just because they happened to be conveniently there when you had nothing. Even vultures keep you company when you are weak, but wonâ€™t hesitate to eat you alive when need arises.