Brace yourself, because we’ve got some great news here.
Some really wonderful, just truly terrific news about our girl Farrah Abraham.
No, she’s not coming back to Teen Mom OG to terrorize producers and provide us with weekly dramatic nonsense, and no, she didn’t miraculously become a reasonable, somewhat normal human being.
This is actually way better than any of that.
What Farrah is doing, believe it or not, is turning her life story into a feature film.
“Uh, wait,” you may be thinking. “We already saw her life story on the screen, it was called Teen Mom and it was amazing.”
Good point, friend, but you’re missing a few key facts here.
One, she’s not just making a movie out of her life story, she’s making a movie out of her life story as described in her memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended.
Two, it’s not going to be Farrah herself being awful on TV, it’s going to be a dramatized version of FarrahÂ on … well, probably TV still.
We can’t imagine this would ever get a theatrical release, if she even follows through with making it at all.
Nope, this definitely feels like a made for TV movie, more specifically a Lifetime movie.
Honestly, this project has Lifetime movie written all over it. So much that if this was the 90s, Tori Spelling would be starring as Farrah.
Oh, and the third reason this is much different (and obviously way better) than Teen Mom is that Farrah put a whole lot of stuff in her book that never made it on that lovely reality show.
For instance, did you know that when she was dating Derek Underwood, Sophia’s late father, he snuck into her bedroom one night after her family had gone to bed?
And that her father, Michael, caught them having sex, and he chased Derek out of the house with a knife?
She wrote that the whole thing “was really all his fault for trying to have sex with me in my house,” so she tried to make him bail her dad out of jail.
He wouldn’t do it, so to compromise, she had him buy her $50 worth of makeup.
That’s just a tiny example of the kind of ups and downs that made up their relationship.
They frequently broke up and got back together, and she wrote that before his death, he’d started shoplifting and doing drugs.
She said that she never even told him that she was pregnant, that she’d meet up with him to chat but kept deciding that it wasn’t the right time.
He passed away in a car accident when she was eight months pregnant.
She really struggled with his death — that’s something we definitely saw on Teen Mom — and that’s the whole meaning behind the title of her book.
Farrah claimed that she and Derek had always planned to get married and have kids, and that even though they were dealing with all that teenage drama, she held onto the dream that when she had the baby, everything would work out.
Obviously it did not.
Anyway, we first heard the news about the movie version of all this when Farrah posted a little flyer on Instagram.
It’s a casting notice for a movie “based off a true story, New York Times Best selling book and international sensation, Farrah Abraham.”
She calls it “a memoir and international story that has touched many lives world wide.”
In a quick statement to In Touch, she confirms that “I’m currently doing private castings and getting ready to make a memorable feature film.”
“I look forward to have many fans who supported me through Teen Mom be part of the film.”
According to the flyer, at this point, she’s only looking for actors who already have IMDb pages, so if you were hoping to break into the business by acting in Farrah’s life story, sorry about that.
But if you’re a young actress who’s already got her foot in the door and who thinks she can pull off dialogue about how your water breaking smells like your late boyfriend’s semen …
Well, you just may be in luck.