Do yourself a favor and stop what youâ€™re doing to go follow Carly Aquilinoâ€™s Instagram account. As a longtime follower, I feel confident saying that the NYC-based comedian â€” who is best known for her standup career and her appearances on shows like MTVâ€™s Girl Code â€” has always had an amazing social media presence, but sheâ€™s really taken things up a notch with the addition of her celebrity-inspired ant farm.
Itâ€™s been two weeks since the ant farm first arrived at her house and entered my heart, and itâ€™s been non-stop entertainment ever since. This year (since obviously this isnâ€™t Carlyâ€™s first time at the tiny rodeo), she opted to name her little pals after failed celebrity couples, which means that I â€” someone who gets to write about celebrities all day â€” has the honor of writing the sentence about a world in which (ant) Diddy is seen burying (ant) Billy Bob Thornton! Even if it is about the starâ€™s insect counterparts!
If this is your first introduction of Carlyâ€™s amazing world of celebrity ants, allow me to get you up to speed on the events that have transpired since the ants first arrived two weeks ago; Billy Bob Thornton was not only killed while on the farm, but eaten by this fellow stars! The saga had a happy ending, at least, since (ant) Brad Pitt and (ant) Angelina Jolie were able to put their differences aside so Brad could console his ex-wife after the loss of her other former lover. All the ants piled on top of each other â€” in what Carly dubbed a celebrity orgy. Later, exes (ant) Samantha Ronson and (ant) Lindsay Lohan were seen together in rehab â€” where they were treated for their addiction to laxative tea (this is, after all, Instagramâ€¦) â€” before the 27-year-old turned her attention to a murder investigation after realizing the killer was still the loose. A formal investigation was launched shortly thereafter, and Carly later identified the victim as (ant) Sammi â€śSweetheartâ€ť Giancola; no word on where (ant) Ronnie Ortiz-Magro was at the time of death.
All in all, the ant farm has become quite a saga â€” one that Iâ€™m very invested in. So much so, that I actually find regular celebrity news boring since there arenâ€™t nearly enough orgies and murder mysteries IRL. If you need me, Iâ€™ll be hopelessly refreshing Carlyâ€™s Instagram (also, if ants arenâ€™t really your thingâ€¦ I highly recommend her series dedicated to drawing master pieces on unsolicited dick pics).